Dating Myself -- The First Adventure

After church, I drove leisurely around Salina, knowing I was hungry but not wanting to be put in the fast-food box for people who can't eat anywhere else when they're alone.

So I ventured downtown to a lovely Italian restaurant called "Martinelli's."  I had to park a block away because the Baptists beat me there after church.  Ha.

That walk alone was enough to make a person like me want to turn around and pretend I was just taking a stroll.  The large windows enabled the people inside to see me coming from a long way, and I had to hold my dress down.  Already embarrassing.  As I opened the door, I took a deep breath, acted like I knew where I was going and marched right in.

The hostess said the dreaded words, "How many?"  to which I promptly replied, "Oh, just one today," and smiled rather largely.  She smiled back.  Success.

The girl who seated me fumbled over where to put the one menu at the table set for four, and we laughed as I chose a seat and a bus boy scurried to clear the other place settings.  My waiter was a dashing young man with dark curly hair and a beautiful complexion.  Much too young for me, and anyway, this experience is about enjoying being alone!

Confidence, I thought.  All it takes is confidence.  I took some time mulling over the menu (mostly to buy myself some less awkward time) and decided on a quarter portion of spaghetti and meatballs with a glass of Merlot.  I was carded, of course, but not before I could ask if they were allowed to sell wine on Sundays.  Stupid question.  I couldn't believe it was so difficult for me to order on my own.  My dinners out usually consist of me shooting food-option ideas off of everyone at the table.  I can't believe I've had to be validated to the point that ordering my own meal wasn't a personal decision anymore.

While I was ordering, my phone rang, and what a great time to talk on the phone!  I'll look like I have a life, I thought.  I talked to Molly for around 6 minutes and we discussed our trip to Virginia in October and my new blogging idea as I told her where I was and what I was doing.  She's very supportive, and even excited--as a good best friend should be.  :)  My food came almost immediately when I hung up the phone, and the woman who brought my Merlot asked if I had already been carded because I "just look so young!"  Thanks, lady.  I KNOW.  So now I look like a baby all alone, and drinking wine.  Way to be even more of a spectacle!

I'm used to making a spectacle of myself.  That's happened since the moment I could speak.  Seems I can't walk into a room without doing something ridiculous.  But -- I pressed on.  Here is what my lunch looked like.

That is more like spaghetti and meatBALL.  Singular.  But the most delicious Italian I have had in a long time.

The rest of my meal, I took slow, deliberate bites.  I suggest doing this not only because you get full faster and can take home leftovers, but because it gave me time to take in the enviroment around me.  You might call it eavesdropping, I call it appreciating conversation.  The people next to me talked long about the desert and an adventure two of the people had there.  Across the way I saw the doppleganger of a man that I know.  I even  appreciated every sip of my Merlot.  I might not have experienced any of those things had I been consumed with the presence of another person.

I still love being with people.  But this...this is new.  And kind of exciting.

After my meal, I needed to walk off that wine so I explored a little downtown and found a few more spots to add my "date" list, including this theater.

All in all, I'm a pretty good date.

*My kudos to Mr. Abram Rankin who helped me come up with the name for this blog.  From one onederful person to the next. ;) *

The OneDerful Life

I woke up this morning after a night of untranslatable dreaming to find myself with a new idea.  Many big decisions I've made have become clear in a dream, and ideas even originate there.  I can seldom remember what I actually dreamed about, but I wake up with a new resolve; knowing what I need to do.  The first time it happened was when I changed my major from English to Early Childhood Education after two years of English courses.  Crazy?  Maybe.  I worked harder than I ever have to graduate in a reasonable time and learned a lot along the way.  A few dreams and ideas later, I'm on to this one.  

An extrovert by nature, I rarely do anything alone.  When I find myself alone, I mope around and am rendered useless by the feelings of loneliness I have.  I honestly get my energy from other people.  Other people motivate me to do the smallest things.  As I felt sorry for myself Friday night, I ate too much Chinese food and watched The Back-Up Plan as well as six episodes of The Office.  I made myself sick by doing absolutely nothing.  The next day I did the same thing, only this time I tortured myself with hours of PBS.  I watched teenage moms, oppressed women in Israel, an annoying lady painting roses, and of course, a little "This Old House."  When I couldn't take it anymore I stood up to stretch and took a look at my laptop.  I had posted a video to a friend's facebook wall last week about being alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

I found the video cute at first, but when I watched it again, I noticed something.

The poet writer, Tanya Davis, says "society is afraid of alone..."

I paused the video right there and wondered why.  Why is society afraid of alone?  Why am I afraid of alone?

I closed my laptop and decided to go swimming (logically).  By myself.  In the neighborhood pool.  I only stayed 20 minutes because the water was freezing and some other people came. I didn't want them to think I was weird for being alone.

As I went through the rest of my day, the thought of being alone, and being okay, ran through my head almost constantly.  I washed my car.  I wasted time on facebook for hours.  I eventually drove 40 miles to see a friendly face or three.  As I fell asleep on my friend's couch last night (because I was too afraid to drive home at night alone), I was still thinking of my own alone-liness.  

When I woke up, either my dreams or my restless sleep had given me new direction.

I will be dating myself.

This blog isn't about the sad, depressing, single life.  Yes, I'm single and have recently moved to a new city but this blog is about t this extrovert breeching into new territory and actually enjoying time alone.  I am going to take myself out.  For dinner.  For walks.  For movies.  For dancing.  For a good time.  I want to enjoy life...just like Billy Idol intended -- "dancing with myself..."